What the hell are you doing on that boat? In case you were wondering, yes, I am on a boat, and to paraphrase, no this is not sea world. Do not despair, this is not a Corona Virus riddled cruise gone wrong. I am not on lock down. Well not really. You see, we have a job to do. What is the job, I hear all your curious mind asking? Not to dodge the question, but the job is irrelevant. Just know that we are out at sea. If I look through my portside window all I see is the vast expanse that is the Indian Ocean. Conditions are not at all bad. We are fed well; we have our rooms cleaned and clothes washed. Sending our dirty clothes down a chute into the depths of the vessel, they magically reappear clean and neatly folded for us at the end of the day or first thing in the morning, depending on when you decide to air your dirty laundry. It is a vulnerable experience, having a stranger clean your room, wash your undies and fold your socks. I cannot speak for you, but in such situations, a sense of pride takes hold. I worry what the cleaners think. So, I clean my room, and make sure my washing is not too soiled before throwing it down the chute. Secretly I am hoping for a thank you note:
Dear sir, your room was a pleasure to clean. Commendations to your parents, you clearly are a fine upstanding citizen. Huzzah.
Yes, praise and acceptance from the cleaner, that is what I am striving to receive. I certainly do not mean this in a belittling or egotistical way. Far from that. It can be easy to forget that cleaners, are human (bear with me please), just like you and just like me. They are out to make a living. It is tough, and in many cases I am sure, disgusting and degrading. My only hope is to show appreciation of their efforts by making their job a little bit easier. I only bring it up because where I am, the cleaners, are just about the most important people on board. Certainly, they deserve the title for hardest working. Speaking of hard work, it has been a few days since I have stepped foot outside. And it certainly is not because I have been busy. Not being busy though, comes with its own challenges.
When time is on your side
So. Much. Time. What do I do with it all? I could read, I could write a novel, I could plan my next business, I could research how to brew beer, I could create something, paint, draw, exercise, meditate. My mind spins and spins and spins drugged up on possibility. I spin so much I get dizzy, confused, close to delirium. I need to sit back down.
“You know what you need”, I say to myself, “a break from it all. Do nothing, you deserve to do nothing. Go ahead, watch a movie. When was the last time you sat down and watched a movie, or a TV series?”
The mind has a good way of tricking you into doing things at your most vulnerable (or most bored). The ego panders to itself. It’s not like you really had a choice, the ego is strong. So you give in, you turn on the TV and you put your feet up, instead of getting to work. I don’t mean work in the 9 – 5 sense, but real work. On yourself and on your relationships. Please, do not depart on me now, this is not a self-help post, or maybe it is, if you choose to let it help. This is simply an observation I have made in myself from sitting offshore on a boat for the past few days. Cabin fever is setting in. I have a multitude of books to choose from, I could practice my writing (badly required), I could exercise. It’s only when I attempt to do the things I really want to be doing, that I hit that brick wall of resistance. And I hit it hard.
Curiously resistant
The curious thing about resistance is it only ever seems to rear its head when we attempt to do the things we should be doing. Presently, one of those things is going outside. I haven’t been outside for four days. I said it, cabin fever (maybe you can sense the element of crazy in this post, although it’s probably been the common thread throughout this whole blog). What am I doing on a boat? Becoming a master in the art of time wasting and procrastination. Despite what you think, time actually goes very fast, in between all the Aeropress coffees (yes I have my own beans, coffee wanker), the trips to the galley, the bathroom, I think I am drinking about 8L of water per day. Then there’s Minesweeper. Oh, and Freecell. The point is, I have time, yet I am busy being busy. I look forward to the days ahead when I will be busy. At least then, I will not need to make an excuse for not doing any one of the things that could make an impact. I talk a lot – when I get home, I am going surfing, I am brewing beer, I am running a marathon, I am launching my next business, I am booking date night. It feels good to put off tomorrow what I physically cannot do today. We promise ourselves tomorrow and inevitably, we forget the promise when tomorrow becomes today. You worked hard today, put your feet up. Watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy for the 18th time. Extended Editions of course.
Just a passenger
I project forward to when I get home. How was the trip, what did you do? My response after excursions like these typically goes along these lines; “It was really busy, it just all blurred into one long day.” Scarily though, I am beginning to feel like this is a metaphor for life. Days blur into one. Between the daily ritual of going to work, cooking dinner, spending time with loved ones and having a few beers on the weekend. Throw in a few birthdays, weddings and holidays and before you know it, the whole year has passed. Busy being busy. It is truly amazing when we are asked, by people whom we have not seen for a long time, “What have you been up to mate?”, the standard response, “You know busy, just really busy.” And we accept that as an answer. Sometimes I want to slap myself, slap my friends. That is not an answer. You have been living a life. Surely, you’ve been more than just busy? Pondering on this, if a person was to truly tell you in detail what they had actually been up to, would we regret asking in the first place? How long would we continue to listen, before losing interest, thinking to ourselves “wrap it up mate, I am too busy to listen.” Life seems to be going quicker and quicker these days, and the more I put off doing the things that are important, the less I will truly see. Life seems to be happening to me, I’ve become a passenger instead of the captain. Which is why I am on a boat, just a passenger, passing by, watching movies.